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Belle de Neige, by Belle de Neige
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Tales of catastrophe sex squalor from the alpine underbelly....
...Grief, heartbreak, existential crisis. Life has wrong footed Belle. Running away from it all, she enters the diamond and vomit-encrusted chaos of ski resort life; of abominable snow bums, pushy punters, deep cleans, wayward teens, spliffs, tiffs and snow drifts. Take a crash course in sleazy ski instructors, stale croissants, rants, rapture and Russians. Drink yourself into oblivion, then strap on a pair of skis and head for the hills.
A faithful account of one girl’s foray into the alpine abyss, Belle de Neige is a scandalous glimpse into the truth about ‘luxury’ ski holidays and the essential bible for slumdog seasonnaires the Alps-over.
A bit about the author
Belle de Neige is living proof that you can make yourself look clever if you write down interesting stuff that other people, who are far more interesting than you are, say. She is also a Chalet Girl. Up a mountain, bringing you illicit gossip and tales of catastrophe, sex and squalor from the alpine underbelly.
- Sales Rank: #1181345 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-12-18
- Released on: 2013-12-18
- Format: Kindle eBook
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Memoir set in the 3 Valleys (Twin Tips in the Trois Vallées)
By TripFiction
Twin Tips meet Twin Peaks meet Lord of the Flies…
Down and dirty in the world of the chalet host. Belle de Neige has been blogging incognito for several years from Les Trois Vallées, France (apparently the world’s largest ski area) and this is her memoir of time served, mainly at Chalet Christina. If you are a parent with a teenage child – just out of school and just about to spend a Winter ‘gap-yah’ as a Seasonaire – this book is probably best avoided. If, however, you want the inside track of life on the piste, then this is a must-read.
Life on the mountain is indeed a testosterone fuelled cocoon. There are alcohol and drugs aplenty, shags galore and enough snow for all the snow bunnies to romp and revel into the early wee hours. Whether it is lashings of Mutzig (the seasonaire’s favourite beverage according to Yodel Magazine) or drinking Genepi out of a Wellington Boot… or, learning to graduate from a Jager Bomb, to a Jager Mega Drive, to a Jager Hand Grenade, all the while listening to the ubiquitous strains at The Drop Inn Bar of “Living Next Door to Alice” (yes, ok, we all recognise the song with slightly different lyrics....).
As the author observes: “ski resorts function unabashedly on the slave labour of randy British teenagers” and it is certainly true that the Brits abroad know how to party. But it is probably little wonder that people who live on top of one another, and who are the backbone of most ski resorts, lead life to the full – and occasionally over the top, whether it is shredding the slopes or managing to keep their personal lives together. Indeed, “extremity is normalised”. Surrounded by the enormity of landscape, the magnificent vistas, and the harshness and variability of the weather conditions, the mountains, simply put, have an odd effect on people.
Indeed, the life of a chalet host is not wholly the glamorous life one might think – it is more about cleaning toilets and dealing with clients, who often bowl up with the most outlandish habits and requests, that often keep the chalet host tethered to the toilet. In total, Belle reckons she polished the shower surround in the chalet about 300 times over the season. But a word of warning – if you phenomenally upset your chalet host or treat her (sometimes him – enter Belle’s eventual squeeze, Scruffy but Handsome) with disrespect, and she has well proven ways of getting back at you. Did you notice that your toothbrush had moved ever so slightly whilst you were out on the slopes? Be afraid, very afraid! Just give some thought to what it might have been used for (and you can be assured it won’t have been for cleaning teeth). Or Optrex? Meant for eyes but does wonders for the digestion if slipped into the diet – and this will only become apparent on departure (after all, the chalet host is not going to shoot herself in the foot by encouraging loose bowels in the chalet, is she? Just more skid marks to clear up).
Oh, and the hair, the sink gunk, the mess, the detritus, the visceral stains, the demands of punters, the cooking and warding off randy punters (or not) – all in a day’s work for our heroic chalet host. And all this for a free ski pass, and a lifestyle that is as far removed from city life and responsibilities as it can be. She is very clear that she would encourage her own children to experience this kind of life as it is a rite of passage…. so it can’t be all bad! And it isn’t, there is a huge amount of fun to be had.
This is a memoir full of acute observations, ballsy accounts, fun, lewdness, irony and so much more, and if you are heading for the Alps, make sure to pack it.
On our blog we also have a web chat with the author: http://www.tripfiction.com/novels-set-3-valleys-twin-tips-trois-vallees/
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Read the blog, enjoyed the book
By Justin
Despite hating the Brits (as a patriotic American, who doesn't) this broad's sarcastic style and complete lack of boundaries was pretty funny. While she clearly was not a good skier prior to the publication, nor was she aware of basic ski mythology, she made fun of herself while learning how be a seasonaire, or as we call them her; high school kids and college drop outs who operate the lifts in American ski resorts. Despite her lack of boundaries, she managed to focus on her relationship and other girly matters that clearly did not fit with the image the cover picture implied. Go figure.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Ok, but not as sexy as it may sound
By Joe M.
I'm not quite sure how I ran across this book. It was probably from an ad on another website. I skimmed the author's blog, and from some of the blog posts and photos (not to mention the book cover), I expected it to be a bit more "steamy", with more stories about sexual adventures. While there was a bit of that, it the experiences were written in either a matter-of-fact or a humorous way, and not very titillating.
What I ended up enjoying the most about the book were the stories about the obnoxious chalet guests and unreasonable resort management. These were funny and entertaining. I did not so much care for the tales of binge drinking, drug use, and living in filth. This was just not interesting to me.
Overall, it was an OK book about the author's experiences as a chalet girl. But don't buy it if you're looking for a book with steamy sex scenes, starring promiscuous young hostesses.
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